Beth Bernier Pratt

We interrupt this broadcast to inform you of another identity crisis. Please stand by.

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Anonymous asked: Dearest Man, A man with whom I am barely acquainted has recently made me a gift of a curiously lifelike artistic rendering of his, well, manliness. I have never indicated my desire for such a gift, and I am rather perplexed. As a Man, what is your opinion on his not-particularly-generous endowment? —Just Back From An Unexpected Holiday in the Netherlands


Dear Unexpected Holiday,

Ah. The unexpected gift of a lifelike artistic rendering of a man’s, ah, manhood. I often find myself having to explain this particular item to women, because indeed, it does not make sense to non-men.

Imagine that you have a cat. (You do have a cat, do you not?) Your cat loves you, in the limited fashion that felines can do such things. The way your cat expresses its love is often to leave you treats—the choicest bits of the mouse, the occasional pile of bird-feathers.

"Look," the cat says, "here is this wonderful thing that I had, and I love you so much that I want to share it with you. I do not believe you have mouse kidneys, do you? Perfect!" Your feelings on receiving such a gift are not relevant to the cat; cats do not love with empathy. They love with selfishness.

This gift follows along much the same lines. “Look,” the man is saying. “I may not have much of a brain or a talent for poetry, but there is one thing about me that I am sure is good, and I am fairly certain that you do not currently have one of these. Allow me to share mine with you.”

What is the proper response to such a gift? Well, the same as it is with cats. If you love the cat in question—or even hold it in mild affection—you pat it gently on the head and toss the offering out with the trash when the cat isn’t looking.

If you don’t like the cat, however, you need not feel so limited. Screaming, throwing things, and picking the absurd feline up by the scruff of the neck and tossing it out in the cold are all reasonable responses.

Yours Truly,
Stephen Shaughnessy
A Man Who Feels No Need to Prove His Manliness

66,708 notes

I don’t know what asshole invented the idea that teenage girls are the cause for all evil, but I really hope that person never has to raise one. I don’t want him to see her dissolve in his fingers as society tells her to eat less, be thinner, be the damsel in distress, be something for a man to fix, be different but not too different, be special but never ever a special snowflake - I don’t want him to watch as she realizes that no matter what she loves, she’ll be made fun of for it. She can simply like her coffee from Starbucks and suddenly she’s vapid and thinks herself poetic. She’ll want to play video games but be called a fake nerd, particularly if she poses in any remotely flirtatious way because for some reason despite the entire community playing games with poorly dressed women they still hate it when a real girl wears less clothing, she will be seen as trespassing in a specifically male space - but when she falls in love with a female-based television show for children, she’ll watch as men step on themselves to sexualize it. If she wants old-fashion romance she’s seen as being naive but at the same time is told to keep herself ‘pure’ for some dude that might not hurt her. If she admits to being anything, she makes herself a target. She will be told her worth is based on how much a man values her. She might love to cook but she’ll hate being asked to stay in the kitchen, she might love to read but get told she’s too introverted by half the population and ‘not that special’ by the other. If she loves to go out and party, she’s ‘just another college co-ed,’ if she loves to spend her friday nights watching anime, she’s a shut-in. God forbid she be proud of something: the words “I’m different from other girls” are a death sentence because we live in a society that doesn’t want to see women like that, a society that doesn’t like the idea maybe we all are actually different and not carbon copies of each other, maybe we all would like to feel unique and loved and worth knowing - maybe the real problem is that she will be raised to believe being a girl means silicone and photoshop and dying as a way to move forwards a plot - and she doesn’t want to be seen as that. When she says “I’m not like other girls,” she means she’s not like the girls she sees on tv, these invented two-dimensional creatures that say one line and then get chased down by monsters.

She can try all she likes. She’ll be shut down at every single fucking turn. What she doesn’t know is that they’re getting her ready for when she’s grown up because she’ll be so used to being stepped on she’ll just give up. Why respect women when you don’t even respect little girls?

And when she is burning up, when she mentions that her insides are volcanoes and her skin is too thin to contain them: she will be told she is hysterical, that she’s doing it for attention.

I don’t want him to watch as she shuts down, as she learns to live as a paradox, I don’t want him to see her rip herself to shreds in order to be perfect, I don’t want him to realize that there’s no way she’ll get help because she’s only doing what she’s told.

Teenage girls aren’t the downfall of society, society is the downfall of teenage girls. /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

10,625 notes


Hey! sixpenceee, here with more posts on abandoned places, this time everybody’s all time favorite: abandoned amusement parks.

A lot of people have messaged me requesting this post because it serves as an inspiration for their writing.

Here’s some more fuel, wikipedia has an entire list of ALL the closed, demolished, and abandoned amusement parks from ALL over the world. 

You can access it here

(via mostlysignssomeportents)